英文笑话(幽默英语笑话段子)

笑话时段

〈一〉A man was driving the wrong way down a one-way street when all of a sudden a policeman stopped him and said, " Mister, do you know what you are doing?"一个人在单行道上逆行开车，突然一位警察拦住了他，并对他说:“先生， 您知道自己在干什么吗?”Driver: I don't know , but I must be late because everyone is going the other way !我不知道，但我一定会迟到， 因为每个人都走另一条路!

〈二〉Betty:That little boy is one year old today and he's been walking since he was six months old.那个小男孩今天一岁了，他六个月大的时候就会走路了Linda: Oh, dear,he must be tired.哦，天哪，他一定累了.

〈三〉Mother: Well ,Joe. How are your marks?好了，乔。你的分数怎么样?Joe : They're under water.它们在水下。Mother: What do you mean?什么意思?Joe :They are under C(sea) level ,l'm afraid.恐怕它们在C(海平面)以下。

〈四〉A man died and then came to God：一个人去世后来到了上帝面前：-Did I waste my life by making comics?“我是不是一辈子都浪费在画漫画上了？”-Thousands of people read your comics every day...“每天有成千上万个人看你的漫画。”-You wasted thousands of lives by making comics.“你浪费了成千上万个人的生命。”

〈五〉A New Employee一个新员工Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.这是什么意思？经理问，当你申请这份工作时，你告诉我们有五年工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.嗯，年轻人回答，你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。

〈六〉To patch the hole of pants 补裤子A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible, " she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”一位年轻的丈夫下班回到家里，发现新娘心烦意乱。“我心里太难受了，她说，我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”"Forget It,"said her husband. "Remember that l've got an extra pair of pants for that suit．“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说，你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。“Yes,”said the woman.cheering up. “And it's lucky you have.I used another pants to patch the hole.”是的，“妻子高兴地说，幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。

〈七〉The Burned Ears 烫伤的耳朵A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened. 一个男人的两只耳朵都被烫伤了...在医院的时候别人就问他是如何烫到的。He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."他说：“我正在熨衣服的时候，电话响了...当时我把熨斗当成电话抓起来接听了。”"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.医生说：“但是你是如何烫到另一只耳朵的呢？”"How do you think I called you people?"“因为我想给你打电话呀！”

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